3 Practical Tips to Staying Sexually Pure



Read PART ONE of the “Sexual Purity After Being Sexually Impure” blog series.

Let’s face it.  Sex and foreplay were created to be continually enjoyed in the context of marriage only. We weren’t made to just stop having sex or participating in foreplay.  Honestly, married couples should grow in their sexual enjoyment of one another.  Soooo…. how do we deal with sinful sexual desires once we’ve participated in premarital sex or foreplay?

Step One:  Recognize that Your Will Is Weak

Now, I’ve met people who have said that after much prayer and fasting and “tarrying” before God (lol, so churchy), that their appetite for certain sexual pleasures disappeared immediately. Well, God bless their hearts, but that’s not my testimony at all so I’ve got to be real. lol

God’s wisdom has led me to understand that the only thing I should “lean on” when it comes to my will power is that it will fail because, to be honest, my will…my flesh was conceived in iniquity (Ps 51:5) and loves sin.  With that being said, I’ve learned to shape my actions around my frailty in conjunction with God’s ability to provide ways of escape and protection (1 Cor 10:13).  I can’t just pray and have faith that God will perform good works in me (Phil 2:13, Eph 2:8-9)  if I’m not willing to put some works (practical boundaries) beside my faith.

Let’s Get Practical

Tip #1 – Spend Little to No “Alone Time” With The Opposite Sex

Spending little to no time alone with the opposite sex allows you to limit the chances of conversation or physical touch slowly crossing the line and the Enemy trying to work his way into your friendships.  Even giving car rides to the opposite sex can be a time the Enemy tries to use to plant his seeds of destruction.  My suggestion is to spend time with the opposite sex in groups and in public places.

Also, try not to have “safe friends” or people who are of the opposite sex who you bend and break your boundaries with because you believe that they’re safe zones.  Please be sure that the Enemy will try to infiltrate those relationships where you have the most pride in your security (1 Cor 10:12)

Some girlfriends and I after a concert

Tip #2 – Make More Same Sex Friends

After you begin spending less time with the opposite sex you may find that you have little to no one to hang out with.  I know many females have a disliking for other women or see them as people that can’t be trusted, but you know what? That may be part of our problem.  I even hear that some people just feel more comfortable with the opposite sex, and that makes me wonder if we use our sexuality or flirtatious ways as a means to communicate way too much.  You may find that you have a difficulty communicating with the same sex just because you have poor communication skills when it’s outside of flirting.

So…stretch out.  Ask one of your co-workers our church members to hang out.  You can go thrifting, have dinner at your house, watch a movie, have a bible study, have a Skype of Google Hangout session, or whatever.  You can also invite a few ladies if you don’t do well one-on-one with new people.  Feel free to invite one girlfriend you know so that she can help you break the ice with the newbies.  In order to build a stronger sisterhood, my best friend and I have actually made the commitment to hang out with one new female a month for the next year!  Maybe that’s a challenge you can take as well.

Tip #3 – Learn Your Weak Moments & Set Boundaries

This is a very important tip even though the application of it may look different for each person.  For instance, I found out some years ago that I’m most tempted when I’m tired, so now when I may feel particularly lustful I sometimes realize that I’m actually just sleepy.  I pray, go take a nap, and wake up feeling great.  Another thing I do is watch a lot of Disney & Nickelodeon (Phineas & Ferb is like my favorite show) because I’m not bombarded by the same sexual content that’s in a lot of grown-up shows and commercials that triggers unhealthy spiritual thoughts with me.

For you, your weakness may be talking on the phone late at night, listening to a particular genre of music or artist, or seeing men workout in the gym.  If that’s the case, give yourself a phone curfew, change up your music style, and workout at home or at a same-sex gym.

Wrap – up

I know that these tips may a little drastic, but the truth is that some of us have a drastic sin problem when it comes to sexual immorality and therefore, like the old saying goes, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”  Besides, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled (Matt 5:6)

What helps you stay sexually pure? Comment below.

Sharona
@sharonadrake

4 Comments


carena shannon
09/27/12

I usually switch up the music I listen to, get up and do something that is active and positive, and pray it off. I also verbalize my boundaries to the opposite sex so that they too can be on the same page as me.


Hopefulinlove
09/27/12

So glad to see that the desire to remain pure is actually being persuid. After living single most of my life… I found that the more time I spent in magazines and TV… the more I desired to be just like the sexy woman in the adds. Most of the time desiring the outfits they wore and the great makeup they put on. And yes we use the excuse that we just want to look cute but the problem was we want to look cute and sexy for the opposite sex…. Knowing your bounderies is important!! Thank you for sharing and making your life an open book for all to see that we are not alone in our struggles.


Hopefulinlove
09/27/12

So glad to see that the desire to remain pure is actually being persuid. After living single most of my life… I found that the more time I spent in magazines and TV… the more I desired to be just like the sexy woman in the adds. Most of the time desiring the outfits they wore and the great makeup they put on. And yes we use the excuse that we just want to look cute but the problem was we want to look cute and sexy for the opposite sex…. Knowing your bounderies is important!! Thank you for sharing and making your life an open book for all to see that we are not alone in our struggles.


Makeda Stewart
10/02/12

Iam glad that you guys started this series. I am trying become sexually pure and I’ve been going strong 8 months. I do believe the measures may be drastic but anything is worth a try!

Join the Conversation

Stay connected with us by joining our email list!


  • Wow.October 2, 2012
  • I too was that "good" girl and based my righteousness on my actions. When I did commit one of those sins you listed (as if I wasn't already sinning with my pride in myself) I went into deep depression because I placed so much weight on being "good." When I realized (like you) that He is good and my righteousness (actions) are like filthy rags it gave me a new freedom. I was a slave to my misguided perceptions and my so called perfection. Christ offered me a freedom based on who He was and not what I did or did not do. He loved me in spite of me. That for me was freeing. Thank you for sharing this post. Now I see that I wasn't the only misguided one...lol...I'm sure there are many more of us. I look forward to reading more of your posts.October 2, 2012
  • I am in tears after reading this! This spoke to me! I can relate! Just a while ago my selfishness rose her head and placed pressure on an old friend to be my superhero. God is the only superhero! He is near ready to comfort! Lord you have spoken! May God Bless this ministry!October 2, 2012
  • This is a much needed topic in the church today. I dont know whats worse these church floks that fill your head with lies or that christian mingle commercial?October 2, 2012
  • Very wise words, son. Hopefully, they are listening with spiritual ears and a heart to obey.October 2, 2012