Alone. Again.



I just got off the phone with a man that I have been building with for over two years. When we first started communicating, he was just a friend. And then about a year ago, he told me that he liked me and was interested in me. The biggest problem was that we live in different states, over 2,000 miles apart.

I have an insatiable desire for adventure, so I was intrigued by a long-distance relationship. We made nothing official, but texted daily, talked, and met on Skype regularly. This past summer, we were finally in the same city, at the same time. We were both so excited to do simple things like walk down the same street, or hear each other laugh…his actual laugh, and his actual smile!

Over the weekend, we met with my pastor & his wife for dinner, and were able to talk about pursuing a relationship. At the end of the evening, we agreed to fast and pray for a week to see where God would lead. In addition to the concern of distance, we were both also concerned about who would move. He doesn’t necessarily want to pull me away from Chicago, but he is also not certain that he wants to move here. So, we committed to pray and follow God’s leading. I had no idea it would lead here…

During the week of fasting and prayer, we both had such a wonderful time with the Lord. I haven’t felt so near to my Savior in such a long time. It has been so refreshing! One of the things I began doing over this week was journaling. Below is my journal dated July 30, 2012:

“Lord, I submit to Your will. I trust You. I know You have what is absolutely best for me. Your will may not be what I want, but it is surely what I need. Show us what is next because I want to be confident. I will not move unless You are drawing us. Jesus, please pray hard for us right now. Spirit, lead us into all Truth; help us to hide Your Word in our hearts that we might not sin against you. Father, let Your will (not mine) be done. And help me to cling to Your cross, regardless of the outcome.”

I now find myself facing an outcome I did not expect, and walking down this narrow road. Alone. Again.

But the truth is, I am not alone. My Savior will never leave me and He will not forsake me. A happy ending awaits, but it is not found in marriage, or sex, or having children. Jesus is my only treasure! And He alone is my source of true joy.

The truth of the matter is that I was not made for this world (1 John 2). I will live here for such a short time. “Life is but a vapor!” (James 4:14) and, by the grace of God, I will live for Him all the days of my life.

That’s not to say that my heart is not broken. It is. But I trust the Father of Lights (Js. 1:17) to restore my broken heart. And I hope He uses my pain for His glory.

– Doni
@donijac

6 Comments


Makeda Stewart
10/02/12

I’m sorry for the loss but I believe God is gonna bless you. I had this happen to be about a few weeks ago with a guy I met and was googly eye over. We had never met in person but we would talk and text daily and also set up visits for him to come to Indiana and I go to Arkansas. One day out of nowhere It came to me that I needed to step back and slow down. I told him that I was loosing focus on God and needed to pray. His response blew me away and I knew what I needed to do..Since then I’ve been on a few dates but nothing to serious and I can say I’m still waiting on God to move! In the end I’ll be blessed and so will you!


Sue Lyons
10/02/12

Donie!! Thanks so much for sharing that! That is such an inspiration and encouragement and a challenge! God bless you girl! Yes, my Jesus you are truly enough!!!


Monica
10/02/12

I can totally relate to this post. God’s perfect will for us is often not easy to swallow when it doesn’t match our desires and will for ourselves. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. I’ve been down that road more times than I care to think about. I got excited reading your post though. Although the outcome wasn’t the “happy ending” one would hope, I found it more than refreshing to find a young woman intent on experiencing the Lord’s perfect will for her in this area. Relationships are tough. Of course they’re even tougher when they aren’t quite right – timing, person, etc. Continue to seek God’s will in this area. When it’s time, you’ll know.


DeAndra Valdez
10/02/12

God knows what He is doing. He is sovereign; and it’s just preparation for the future! Be encouraged Psalm 37:4! – SDG


Doni
10/02/12

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I’m so thankful that I am able to point to the kindness, grace & faithfulness of my Savior, Jesus Christ. His mercies are truly new every morning.

DeAndra, thank you for the reminder of Psalm 37:4. I have always been convinced that if I delight myself in The Lord, my one desire would overwhelmingly be Him. & since He is my desire, He would give me the desire of my heart – which would be Hinself!!

I can’t wait for my happily ever after, which will begin in eternity!

Soli Deo Gloria!!


Brandi
10/04/12

Doni so good!!!!

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  • Wow.October 4, 2012
  • I too was that "good" girl and based my righteousness on my actions. When I did commit one of those sins you listed (as if I wasn't already sinning with my pride in myself) I went into deep depression because I placed so much weight on being "good." When I realized (like you) that He is good and my righteousness (actions) are like filthy rags it gave me a new freedom. I was a slave to my misguided perceptions and my so called perfection. Christ offered me a freedom based on who He was and not what I did or did not do. He loved me in spite of me. That for me was freeing. Thank you for sharing this post. Now I see that I wasn't the only misguided one...lol...I'm sure there are many more of us. I look forward to reading more of your posts.October 4, 2012
  • I am in tears after reading this! This spoke to me! I can relate! Just a while ago my selfishness rose her head and placed pressure on an old friend to be my superhero. God is the only superhero! He is near ready to comfort! Lord you have spoken! May God Bless this ministry!October 4, 2012
  • This is a much needed topic in the church today. I dont know whats worse these church floks that fill your head with lies or that christian mingle commercial?October 4, 2012
  • Very wise words, son. Hopefully, they are listening with spiritual ears and a heart to obey.October 4, 2012