Down About Being Single? 7 Tips to Help

Even though I wrote the “What If The One Never Comes” piece that talks about marriage not being a promise from God for everyone, I’ve had my share challenges getting dealing with being single or with the fact that the “good” perspectives haven’t worked out for me so far.   I think it’s natural for a lot of single females to struggle with being unmarried from time to time, and I’ve found that at those times things such as prayer, self-love, community, and patience are necessary.

I’ve also come up with a short list of practical suggestions of things that may help on days when you don’t feel particularly appreciated, or when you desire to show someone love, but don’t have a spouse.  Of course, if you tend to feel consistently depressed about being single, then you may need some very specific tips or professional help to get to the root of your heart in the matter.  However, for those who have occasional  “days” or “weeks” of the “ughhh” feelings, here are some healthy alternatives to keep you from continuing in your light depression or turning to ungodly vices.

1.  Pray and Recite Scripture

Yeah, I know this sounds cliche, but it works.  Sometimes I feel anxious or impatient simply because I have lost sight of the gospel, my worth, and how valuable God sees me.  Memorizing scriptures about the gospel and womanhood helps me to regain focus and stamina, and thanking God for what I do have instead of asking God for the man I want to has changed my perspective greatly.

2. Dance to your favorite songs in front of a mirror.

I’ve started doing this a lot.  Not only is it good exercise, which increases your serotonin levels, but it’s also a way to be silly and let go of any anxiety.  To be honest, I’ve actually learned that I’m a better dancer than I initially thought :-).

3. Take yourself out on a date

Get dressed up really nice, do your hair, put on some makeup and some heels, spray on some perfume, and go out to your favorite restaurant or lounge.  For me, going somewhere where there is live music is relaxing.

4.  Write a poem or a letter

If I’m feeling extra mushy I like to write poetry to “release the love I have inside of me” (lol…that sounds so cheesy, but it’s true).   I also LOVE writing love letters to God.  He’s so perfect that after writing and thinking about Him for enough time I am more than satisfied. I’m reminded that I have the best lover ever and am humbled by the way He pursues me and provides for me.

I know some ladies who also like to write poems or letters their future husbands about how they’ll wait for him and how they’ll be so happy when they marry each other.

5.  Surprise a girl friend with something special and completely unexpected

Giving a kind word in due season can be remarkable for someone.  Not only do I try to tell someone a kind word when I feel down, but a lot of times I like to give nice gestures.  In the past I’ve left flowers on a girl friend’s doorstep, mailed a friend a small package to let them know I believe in them, took an impromptu road trip to surprise a friend, or just sent a text letting someone know that they’re special.  You can also work in a local homeless shelter for a day or do some volunteer work.

6.  Consider or write a list of things that make you valuable

Reviewing my worth helps me to refocus and remember that I’m worth the right man pursuing me in the right way.  I mean, I can always go out and get with a man who will marry me, but I’m not looking to just “get married.” I’m looking for a husband and priest.

7.  Mentor a Younger Female

If you’re like me and you “love to love” and nurture then mentoring someone can have a dynamic effect on your feelings of loneliness.  Finding a younger female who needs love, spiritual growth, and some discipling can keep you busy and feeling fulfilled.

So what about you? What do you do on days when you’re feeling particularly “single”?


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  • Wow.
  • I too was that "good" girl and based my righteousness on my actions. When I did commit one of those sins you listed (as if I wasn't already sinning with my pride in myself) I went into deep depression because I placed so much weight on being "good." When I realized (like you) that He is good and my righteousness (actions) are like filthy rags it gave me a new freedom. I was a slave to my misguided perceptions and my so called perfection. Christ offered me a freedom based on who He was and not what I did or did not do. He loved me in spite of me. That for me was freeing. Thank you for sharing this post. Now I see that I wasn't the only misguided'm sure there are many more of us. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
  • I am in tears after reading this! This spoke to me! I can relate! Just a while ago my selfishness rose her head and placed pressure on an old friend to be my superhero. God is the only superhero! He is near ready to comfort! Lord you have spoken! May God Bless this ministry!
  • This is a much needed topic in the church today. I dont know whats worse these church floks that fill your head with lies or that christian mingle commercial?
  • Very wise words, son. Hopefully, they are listening with spiritual ears and a heart to obey.