On My Own

Well, I have an update to my love life (or lack thereof). After being pursued by a man here in Chicago for a couple months, I decided to thank him for his pursuit, but decline any further interest he might have. He was devastated and I was heartbroken. Then I realized something. I was wrong.

My decision to end our relationship wasn’t wrong. The wrong aspect of our courtship was having started courting at all. I’ll explain…

In my last relationship (you can read more at my previous post, “Alone. Again.,” I had so many wise people speaking into our relationship. My mother (who is a very strong believer) my pastor and his wife, and a couple that mentor me. I was open and honest about where the relationship was at all times, and they gave me some amazingly godly advice.

Well, in this current relationship, I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to wait and go through all of the formal channels. I prayed, didn’t hear a “no” response, so I figured that must’ve meant that I could move forward.

How wrong I was.

In the end, I made an impatient decision and hurt a man that I really did care for. At the end of our break up conversation he said, “I wish we didn’t do this,” and I knew exactly how he felt. Had I waited on God’s timing and not foolishly moved ahead, without the wisdom of the godly people God had placed in my life, perhaps things would’ve turned out differently.

God has placed my parents, mentors & pastors in my life for a reason. And I’m so sad that I took them for granted (a mistake which I hope, by God’s grace, not to make again).

What I am grateful for, however, is that my Savior still loves me. There are no mistakes too big, or decisions to foolish to keep me from His love. “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

– Doni

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  • Wow.
  • I too was that "good" girl and based my righteousness on my actions. When I did commit one of those sins you listed (as if I wasn't already sinning with my pride in myself) I went into deep depression because I placed so much weight on being "good." When I realized (like you) that He is good and my righteousness (actions) are like filthy rags it gave me a new freedom. I was a slave to my misguided perceptions and my so called perfection. Christ offered me a freedom based on who He was and not what I did or did not do. He loved me in spite of me. That for me was freeing. Thank you for sharing this post. Now I see that I wasn't the only misguided one...lol...I'm sure there are many more of us. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
  • I am in tears after reading this! This spoke to me! I can relate! Just a while ago my selfishness rose her head and placed pressure on an old friend to be my superhero. God is the only superhero! He is near ready to comfort! Lord you have spoken! May God Bless this ministry!
  • This is a much needed topic in the church today. I dont know whats worse these church floks that fill your head with lies or that christian mingle commercial?
  • Very wise words, son. Hopefully, they are listening with spiritual ears and a heart to obey.