What If “The One” Never Comes?



“You just keep on waiting, baby. God’s got a man for you.” “You’re too good of a woman to stay single long.” “God will grant you the desires of your heart, so if you want a man He’ll give one to you.” The list goes on and on… blah blah blah man this… blah blah blah Boaz that.

Many of us single Christian women have had heard similar comments to the ones just mentioned, and a lot of us continue to hold on to the “promises” of God for us when it comes to a husband.  We pray.  We fast.  We memorize scriptures.  We “look for our Boaz.”

And, well…many of us miss the point.

Some years back when I was a junior in college I met a phenomenal woman who was in her fifties.  Though she was educated, spiritual, wise, and in good shape, she had never been married.  In fact, she wasn’t sure if God was going to give her a complete life of celibacy and singleness, but so far that was her lot…and over the years she had learned to accept it.

Well, a few months ago I thought of this incredible woman again.  She had heard all of the lines the church gives wonderful women to encourage them in their wait for “Prince Charming” …and she had waited.   She waited while friends got engaged and then married.  She waited while best friends had children and then grandchildren.  She waited while others got divorced and then remarried.  She waited…. and she was still single.

I began to think about myself and where I was at the time…holding on to the “promises” of other well-meaning believers who said that God surely had someone for me.  I thought about where my heart was and what things really matter to God in scripture and I was quickly convicted by a few things.

1.  I am not a good person.  No one is… and there is nothing that I’ll ever deserve (Luke 18:19, Rom 3:10).

What I realized is that I have pride in my heart that tells me that I’ve earned or somehow deserve certain gifts or blessings from God, and that a “good” husband is one of them.  In reality, no one even deserves the air they breathe let alone any other thing.

2. Marriage doesn’t solve my primary issues in life.

I think deep down some of us believe that certain heart issues of ours would be solved if we were married or in a relationship.  Not true.  For instance, lust won’t automatically disappear when we have someone we can have sex with on the regular.  If anything, living with someone day in and out holds a mirror up to us in which we have to face the filthiness that is in our hearts.   Marriage is a tool God uses to sanctify us, and anyone who’s been pruned by God knows that it’s not always a great feeling.   Marriage doesn’t change our hearts.  Jesus does.

 3. Though marriage may be in God’s will for me, I’ve got to learn to be content with God alone, in whatever situation. (Phil 4:6-7, 19, 1 John 5:14, Ps 37:4, Heb 13:5)

Sometimes I desire things that aren’t God’s will for my life, and it’s out of His love for me that He hasn’t granted me all of the “desires of my flesh.”  God knows what I desire even more than I do, and although I don’t know what His will is for me (though I pray it’s to have a family one day), I better learn how to be content with God now before I’m 40 years old, single, and just coming to the realization that I can have joy in God alone.

Ladies, I’ve said all of that to say this:  Love your life where it is now.  Love others where you are now.  Don’t put unfair expectations on guys because you’re viewing life from the lense of marriage desperation.  I’ve been there, it’s dark, cold and stinky. Run far away lol.

Remember that you are beautiful, desirable, and worth the pursuit of the One who matters most, and that He will love you always, lead you perfectly, and just maybe give you the marriage you desire ;-).

Sharona
@sharonadrake

6 Comments


Brittany
09/03/12

Sharona, thank you so much for this amazing post. Too often as Christian women, we have the mindset that a Godly husband, a successful marriage and a family are all the rewards of serving God when they are not. We can serve Him to the best of our ability and still not ever be given these things. I met a woman in my small group Bible study two weeks ago who was in her 40s and had never married. I appreciated her so much because she gave us a reality check. We need to be reminded that God knows what is best for each and every one of us and if marriage is not what is best, we should grow to become content with Him. John Piper refers to Christ as our Superior Pleasure and we truly have to get to the point where He is just that for us. Like you said, sometimes we think that marriage will solve all of our problems when that just isn’t the case. Marriage is about making us holy, but even if we never experience marriage, we should learn to embrace our life filled with the amazing love of the Bridegroom. Thanks again for this post and God bless!


sharona
09/04/12

@Brittany Amen! I totally agree and I thank you so much for starting the conversation on here. John Piper does a great job of showing us how God aims to be our ultimate source of joy and contentment.

I am humbled and honored that my post could speak to you. Thank you.


Ray
09/13/12

GREAT BLOG!!!!!
Really made me take a step back and ask God to continue to search my heart and reveal those motives not in line with His word. Thanks for that!!!! Glad I’m not the only one hearing all this sayings too


Makeda Stewart
10/02/12

This is great! I just had this conversation with my big brother (youth pastor) at church. I found myself being able to admit I wasn’t contempt with God and this is why MISS INDEPENDENT ME was in such a rut! I have since learned to seek fulfillment in Christ and the rest will then come. I also strated reading John Pipers book Desiring God which gave me insight.


Brandi
10/17/12

Amen!! Love it Sharona


Lamar Simms
04/15/13

This is a much needed topic in the church today. I dont know whats worse these church floks that fill your head with lies or that christian mingle commercial?

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  • Wow.April 15, 2013
  • I too was that "good" girl and based my righteousness on my actions. When I did commit one of those sins you listed (as if I wasn't already sinning with my pride in myself) I went into deep depression because I placed so much weight on being "good." When I realized (like you) that He is good and my righteousness (actions) are like filthy rags it gave me a new freedom. I was a slave to my misguided perceptions and my so called perfection. Christ offered me a freedom based on who He was and not what I did or did not do. He loved me in spite of me. That for me was freeing. Thank you for sharing this post. Now I see that I wasn't the only misguided one...lol...I'm sure there are many more of us. I look forward to reading more of your posts.April 15, 2013
  • I am in tears after reading this! This spoke to me! I can relate! Just a while ago my selfishness rose her head and placed pressure on an old friend to be my superhero. God is the only superhero! He is near ready to comfort! Lord you have spoken! May God Bless this ministry!April 15, 2013
  • This is a much needed topic in the church today. I dont know whats worse these church floks that fill your head with lies or that christian mingle commercial?April 15, 2013
  • Very wise words, son. Hopefully, they are listening with spiritual ears and a heart to obey.April 15, 2013