Why We Chose Natural Family Planning (pt 1)

I had some real fears coming into marriage — the typical nerves of a contemporary, engaged woman. I worried, “is sex going to get old or boring? Will he (or I) someday want someone else? What can I do to avoid being a statistic like the 50% divorce rate? Will the honeymoon phase end, like so many say it does?” And regarding birth control, I don’t want to alter my body–it’s not fair that he doesn’t have to, and all the risk factors scare me (not to mention the moral dilemma it puts me in).

Based on our experiences growing up, my then-fiance and I both knew what we wanted and didn’t want in a relationship. We wanted a strong marriage, and were looking to try anything that can give us that.

I conducted some informal research on marriage and birth control. First, I noticed that some of the most consistent top reasons for divorce and separation are a lack of communication, falling out of love, wrong expectations, mutual commitment, and infidelity, among a myriad of others. Then, I learned all about the side effects of birth control, including increased risk for low libido, bone loss, heart disease, and breast cancer (especially its official classification by the International Agency for Research on Cancer as a Group 1 carcinogen, the most severe category that is ‘definitely carcinogenic to humans’). And beyond, I just wanted to enjoy our intimacy barrier free altogether — without any physical or emotional guards. At the same time, I wanted to be able to space out our children throughout my reproductive lifespan. Is all that even possible?

My fiance Jelani and I came across “NFP” (natural family planning), also known as fertility awareness. It is a method of natural fertility management that teaches women and couples to (a) recognize her body’s natural signal of fertility to achieve pregnancy, (b) recognize her pattern of infertility to avoid pregnancy, and (c) safeguard reproductive health by uncovering underlying reasons behind ‘irregular’ cycles and improving overall physical and emotional wellness.

Now, after years of practicing the Billings Ovulation Method, I can’t even begin to put a price tag on how it fulfills the emotional needs of a woman. Not only is the act itself very special every time, but also every cycle we spend quality time loving each other in different ways. Because my husband understands how my fertility works, and how women’s hormones really do go up and down, he’s so much more attentive and understanding. It enhances our communication skills,  each decision is completely mutual, and this plays out not only in the bedroom, but also in our everyday events—promoting strong intimacy physically, emotionally, and spiritually—which I believe is part of the foundation of a strong marriage. The fears I had in the beginning are gone, because I’m not messing with my body at all, and I’m closer to my husband than ever before.

Read part 2 of “Why We Chose NFP Here”


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  • Wow.
  • I too was that "good" girl and based my righteousness on my actions. When I did commit one of those sins you listed (as if I wasn't already sinning with my pride in myself) I went into deep depression because I placed so much weight on being "good." When I realized (like you) that He is good and my righteousness (actions) are like filthy rags it gave me a new freedom. I was a slave to my misguided perceptions and my so called perfection. Christ offered me a freedom based on who He was and not what I did or did not do. He loved me in spite of me. That for me was freeing. Thank you for sharing this post. Now I see that I wasn't the only misguided one...lol...I'm sure there are many more of us. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
  • I am in tears after reading this! This spoke to me! I can relate! Just a while ago my selfishness rose her head and placed pressure on an old friend to be my superhero. God is the only superhero! He is near ready to comfort! Lord you have spoken! May God Bless this ministry!
  • This is a much needed topic in the church today. I dont know whats worse these church floks that fill your head with lies or that christian mingle commercial?
  • Very wise words, son. Hopefully, they are listening with spiritual ears and a heart to obey.